Our Recommended 300 Questions To Ask Before Marriage

Marriage! One of the most beautiful, and also one of the most difficult things that you can experience. And yet, many of us actively search for a partner, and we’re disheartened if our search isn’t fruitful after a while. If you ask us, that’s because the good outweighs the bad, and sharing the intimate parts of your life with someone is unlike anything else in the world. However, you must assure that before you pick your “one and only”, you’re on the same page about loads of things. So, to help you out, we’ve prepared 300 questions to ask before marriage.

But why go through such a formal procedure at all? You’ve already picked your spouse carefully enough, haven’t you? Indeed, that can be very true, but sometimes we overlook potentially negative aspects because of the joy that person brings into our life. Even though you love your significant other with a passion, you must be wholly aware that you’re basically planning on spending the rest of your lives together.

Some things you’ve surely already covered, like your core values, but the little things that are part of daily life aren’t something you actively think of on a regular basis. From sillier examples, like at what hour does your partner prefer to get up during weekends, to more serious ones, such as do they have any debts? Because if they do, you’re also taking on all of them, as being married is about sharing all the joy and happiness, but also the burdens and other difficulties.

Being married is about making it a priority, each and every day, to be there for each other; to talk, to laugh, to plan, to grow, to place your partner in front of yourself. To ask them if they agree with and support your decisions, to make them feel loved. Maybe you don’t agree with all of this, and that’s fine. After all, what marriage should strictly and precisely be is up to every couple. But, in our opinion, it is crucial you set these boundaries clearly before you begin a new chapter in your life, because it would be the rest of your life.

One piece of advice we have though, and that we urge you to really take into consideration, is not to use this list of questions like a spreadsheet that’s always on hand. 

Don’t start topics around them subversively, and don’t work them into otherwise unrelated discussions.

If you want to know something about your partner, you should be as upfront as possible, whilst taking their feelings into consideration. Remember that honesty is paramount, but it never means you should be blunt or rude, especially with your loved ones. Wanting to know as much as possible about your fiancée is normal, but conducting subtle interrogatories is not. Moreover, if they catch on, you’d only be creating a reason to have a fight.

And finally, when you get into the following questions with your partner, keep in mind that while the two of you are of course together because of shared love and beliefs, they won’t all match up. No matter how hard you try, or how much you want to always agree, differences are a natural part of life, and if you think about it, they’re a huge part of why life’s enjoyable. If we’d all be the same, where would the magic come from?

And now, here are 300 questions to ask before marriage. Some are more casual, and some have more depth. However, they each play a role in assuring you know everything you need before committing to marriage.

Table Of Contents

Work Questions To Ask Before Marriage

  1. Do you enjoy your job?
  2. Have you ever considered a field change?
  3. Are you expected to work overtime?
  4. Do you have to travel a lot? Do you make an effort to stay home as much as possible?
  5. If you could change your career today, would you do it?
  6. Is your work more important than your passions?
  7. Are you willing to work on weekends?
  8. Do you have a private pension fund? How much do you invest monthly?
  9. How do you see your retirement looking like?
  10. How many jobs have you quit?
  11. Were you ever fired? What were the reasons?
  12. Are you ambitious? Is your workplace more of a job, or a career?
  13. Has work interfered with your personal relationships before?
  14. How much do you earn per month or per year?
  15. How important is work ethic to you? What’s your work style?
  16. How long have you been employed? Did you work during high school, or only years after graduating?
  17. Do you commute to work? How long does that take on average? Around when would you get home?

Lifestyle Questions To Ask Before Marriage

smiling couple hugging
  1. What’s your ideal place to live in? Country, continent, whatever you think of.
  2. What would you choose between a big city and a small town?
  3. Where do you see us living? A house, an apartment? Would we rent or own it ourselves?
  4. Are you handy with tools and power tools, or do you rely on professional services?
  5. Is your home a place of refuge where few people are allowed, or is your door always open?
  6. Is music an ever present element in your home, or would you rather stay and do household chores in silence?
  7. Do you watch TV or streaming services/VODS before going to bed?
  8. Do you use your smartphone in bed before sleep or after you wake up?
  9. Do you feel the need to have a spot in the house that’s just yours and no one’s allowed in there?
  10. Did you ever end a relationship because you weren’t given enough space where you lived?
  11. Do you want to be rich? How important is money for you?
  12. Would you be ok with just you being employed from the two of us?
  13. Would you be ok if you stayed at home, and only I had a job?
  14. Do you want to have a shared bank account, or should they be separate?
  15. If you’d suddenly be outrageously rich, would you significantly change your life? If yes, how would you change it?
  16. Do you have a child from a previous relationship? Do you pay child support or alimony for them? Are you in your ex’s good grace? Would I meet your child?
  17. Before we get married, do you want to have a prenuptial contract? Why yes, or why not?
  18. Would you want us to set a specific amount we’re willing to spend every month?
  19. Are you good with handling finances like tax? Which one of us would be doing the math?
  20. Do you owe anyone, whether person or organization, a significant amount of money? Would we be paying it back together?
  21. Have you ever frequented gambling places? Do you gamble presently?
  22. Are you “cheap” when it comes to purchasing products or services?
  23. If we’re really tight on money, would you still want to put aside some cash strictly for entertainment and passions?
  24. Was money a big part of your previous relationships? Did you pay for everything? Or, did your partner pay for everything? Has money ever been used as a means of control in your past relationships, by either side? Did you break up because of money?
  25. Do you have any concepts of polygamy? Is this something you’d want?
  26. What’s your education level? Are you proud about it? Do you want to increase it?
  27. Are you always looking forward to learning something new?
  28. Are college graduates more intelligent by default? Are being intelligent and being smart separate things?
  29. Do you have a car, or is travelling by bus, tram or subway a better option?
  30. If you have a car, how important is it? Does it matter more than where you live?
  31. Does it matter if your vehicle is a heavy polluter? Would you go for a greener option that’s less flashy or powerful?
  32. Do you spend a lot of time washing, polishing and generally taking care of your vehicle?
  33. Are you a good driver in your eyes? Do you have speeding tickets or other such troubles?
  34. Do you prefer being awake during the day or the night?
  35. Are you quick to judge people?
  36. Do you enjoy physical affection, or are words of appreciation and actions of love enough?
  37. What’s your favorite season? Are you moody during other ones?
  38. If you’ve just had a disagreement, do you avoid the other person in anger, or are you quick to get over it?
  39. When you disagree with someone, do you tend to use arguments and debate, or do your emotions take over quickly?
  40. How would you fairly assign household chores?
  41. If possible, do you prefer to try and not have to do many things, while others are taking care of them?
  42. Do you seek utmost freedom, or is a planned out routine better?
  43. Does not having a routine scare you? Are you afraid of uncertainty?
  44. On average, how much do you sleep?
  45. Is it important to shower daily and wear new sets of clothes?
  46. Can you relax for long periods of time without having work related thoughts or other worries?
  47. What’s one thing that immediately makes you angry?
  48. What’s one thing that couldn’t ever make you angry?
  49. What’s a pet peeve that others really have to respect, or you feel unappreciated?
  50. What’s your opinion on cheating in order to achieve a desired outcome?
  51. What’s that one thing which you’re really good at? Better than anyone else in the world!
  52. Is there something specific which drains you of your life force?
  53. When you feel at your weakest, what do you do to cheer up or get back on your feet?
  54. Do you have any phobias? Do they affect how you manage your daily life?
  55. Do you believe in destiny?
  56. Do you feel ready to get married? If not, then do you think that you’ll ever feel ready?
  57. How well do you think that I fit in your life? Were there times when I bothered your daily routine?
  58. Do you think there’s something in your life right now that would prevent us from having a happy marriage?

Past Relationships Questions To Ask Before Marriage

  1. Have you ever been uncomfortable on a daily basis in past relationships? A weird feeling in your gut that just wouldn’t go away, or anything else.
  2. What are some insecurities caused by a past relationship?
  3. Do you think you’ve caused your previous partners any insecurities? Did they specifically point out something to you?
  4. When were you sure for the first time that you loved someone? Did you tell them straight away, or did you have to come to terms with it?
  5. How long was your previous relationship?
  6. What’s the longest length of time you’ve been together with someone? How did it end?
  7. Have you been married before? Are you a widow(er)?
  8. Are you willing to talk of previous partners? Or, would you rather it’s never brought up?
  9. What are some things you’re really not proud of from previous relationships?
  10. Have you ever judged a partner based on how the one before them was like?
  11. Did you ever go to relationship counseling or coaching?
  12. Were you ever engaged? If so, why didn’t you go ahead with the marriage?
  13. Did you live together with your previous partners? Who did you live with? Why didn’t you move in with all of them? Have you lived together for a former partner for a long time? Why didn’t you marry them?
  14. Are you afraid that at some point, I’ll tell you that I no longer love you? Has this happened to you before?
  15. What did your past experiences teach you? Name a few essential aspects.
  16. Did you notice a recurring factor that kept leading to break-ups?
  17. Do you find yourself thinking about your ex a lot?

Intimacy Questions To Ask Before Marriage

  1. Would you rather we never do something specific in the bedroom?
  2. Are you comfortable talking openly about sex? If not, why’s that?
  3. Are you ok with initiating sex? If not, why? Can I do anything to make you more comfortable in expressing this wish?
  4. Are you usually in the mood for sex, or is your drive lower?
  5. Have you ever been sexually abused? From improper behavior from friends or lovers, to more serious things.
  6. When growing up, was your family open about sex? Is it a topic you talked about with your parents? Would we in turn discuss it with our child, if we had children?
  7. Is sex for you a method to relieve stress?
  8. Have you ever used sex previously to appease your partner or avoid a topic?
  9. Have you been in an open relationship before?
  10. How many sexual partners have you had?
  11. Do you need “alone time” even if we’re sexually active regularly?
  12. Is pornography a taboo subject for you?
  13. Have you had sex exclusively with men or women, or did you have multiple experiences in this regard?
  14. Have you ever broken up with a partner because of bad sex?

Self Image Questions To Ask Before Marriage

romantic couple on hill taking
  1. Do you spend a lot of time in front of the mirror?
  2. Is it important your partner also takes a lot of care of themselves?
  3. If we’re together out in the town, should our outfits match?
  4. Would you consider plastic surgery to “fix” something which you view as an imperfection?
  5. Do you use make-up? How much? How often? How long does it take you to apply it? How much money do you spend on it?
  6. Are you self-conscious about your weight?
  7. Would you become angry or dissatisfied if I gained a noticeable amount of weight?
  8. Are you really in touch with fashion? How much do you spend on clothes?
  9. Do you have a good opinion about how you look? Are you worried your looks are going to fade with old age?
  10. Did your parents use to shame you for your appearance, or were they always encouraging and complimented you? How about your peers?
  11. Is there something in particular you dislike about yourself? Physical or otherwise.
  12. Would you still love me if I suffered an accident and remained scarred? What about if I lost a limb?
  13. Is strong physical attraction a necessity for you to connect deeply with someone?
  14. Do you wish to always be viewed as attractive?
  15. Have you gotten a haircut in the past because someone commented passingly that your hair is messy?
  16. How long does it take you to get over an insult?
  17. Are there people whose opinions you really don’t value at all?
  18. Do you generally feel self-assured? Are you willing to have a go at things you’re not that skilled at (yet)?

Health Conditions Questions To Ask Before Marriage

  1. Would you say you’re a healthy person?
  2. Were you ever hospitalized? If so, what for?
  3. Would you be willing to have surgery if it was required?
  4. Do you have any chronic conditions which require steady medication to keep under control?
  5. Is taking care of yourself a mandatory principle in marriage? Do you owe it to your partner?
  6. Do your parents or extended family have serious illnesses?
  7. Do you have medical insurance and dental insurance?
  8. Which hospital would be your first pick if you had to be hospitalized?
  9. Do you get along with your family doctor? Are they a true professional, or do you want to change them?
  10. Do you have a gym membership?
  11. Are you into sports? Which ones? Do you want to practice something together?
  12. Is exercise a regular activity for you? Are you looking to make it part of your day?
  13. Do you think a fight would end your favour? Have you been in any fights?
  14. Are you addicted to or do you have to take certain medication daily?
  15. Do you follow a diet or some guidelines, or do you just eat whatever, whenever?
  16. Have you ever had an STD? When was your last STD check?
  17. Do your bones break easier than what’s considered normal?
  18. Do you have any conditions which can be a daily problem, like gastrointestinal problems?
  19. Does anyone in your family have mental disorders? Do you? If so, are you seeing a therapist? Do you want to start seeing a therapist?
  20. Do you have any habits like smoking or drinking? If yes, how often? Is it affecting your health? How much money do you spend on such habits?
  21. Do you have any health problems which interfere with your sex life?
  22. Did you ever break up with someone, or has anyone broken up with you because of health related issues?

Parenting Questions To Ask Before Marriage

  1. Do you want us to have children? If so, how many?
  2. Would you prefer having a boy or a girl?
  3. Can you, biologically speaking, have children? If you can’t, is this a problem for you? Would it be a problem if I couldn’t have children?
  4. Are children a way for you to feel fulfilled in life, or do you want children for other reasons?
  5. If there was an accidental pregnancy, how would you react? Would you want the baby kept?
  6. Who’s going to handle birth control? Me or you?
  7. Is adoption a viable option for you? Do you think you could love an adopted child like it was your own?
  8. Is abortion a topic up for discussion, or do you have strong beliefs about it?
  9. Are you an only child or do you have siblings? While growing up, how did this affect you? How do you think it would affect your parenting style?
  10. Is it important to stay in touch with extended family? Would our child spend a lot of time with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins?
  11. Have you had or been the father of a child that was then adopted by someone else? Do you keep tabs on them?
  12. Is breastfeeding an appropriate activity to do outside of one’s home?
  13. Should a mother, a father, or both, stay with their child for the first year of their life? For 6 months? Not at all?
  14. What type of discipline would you want us to use for our child? Spanking? Punishments? The silent treatment?
  15. Are the opinions of children important? Would you talk with your child and consult them before making a family decision?
  16. Is religion an important aspect of upbringing? Would you be able to handle it if our child would be agnostic, an atheist, or of a different religion by choice?
  17. Would you treat your child the same if they were a boy or a girl?
  18. Should girls have stricter rules than boys, especially when it comes to their sex life?
  19. If your teenage daughter would be open about being sexually active with you, would you punish her or advise her to use birth control?
  20. Is it necessary for you to like your child’s friends?
  21. If you’d choose adoption, would you give your child the option to meet their birth parents? Should they even know they’re adopted?
  22. How would you react if your child was racially discriminated against? What if the discrimination was based on gender?
  23. Are choices related to surgery about making it impossible to have a child strictly up to you, or should your partner agree?
  24. Would you allow your child to “talk back”?
  25. Did you previously break up because of different views about having or raising children?

Family Questions To Ask Before Marriage

beautiful couple discussing life
  1. Do you value the opinions of your parents or extended family? Are you in contact with your family?
  2. Do you think your family is too intrusive in your life?
  3. Do you think some of your fears, worries, or otherwise mental health are affected by something which happened in your childhood?
  4. What’s the most hurtful thing your parents ever said to you? What about what you said to them?
  5. Have you ever felt you wanted to escape from your family?
  6. Does it matter if your family likes me, or if my family likes you? Should it?
  7. Did your parents fight a lot? Do they fight a lot now? How do they settle a dispute? Do you think you act in the same way? Is it a good or a bad thing?
  8. When making an important decision, do you feel the need to consult with your parents first?
  9. Did you need to break up with someone because of family feuds?

Friends Related Questions To Ask Before Marriage

  1. Would you say you have a best friend or multiple best friends? How did you meet? What do you appreciate most about them?
  2. How often do you meet up with your friends? Do you talk regularly? Text or over the phone?
  3. Do you have a close friend of the opposite sex? Would it be a problem if I did?
  4. What comes first: friends or your romantic relationship?
  5. Have you ever refused to help a friend in need? If so, why?
  6. Is it important for you to like my friends? Does it matter if they like you? What about me and your friends?
  7. Are friends in common an important aspect?
  8. Can you say “no” to your friends? Do they get upset?
  9. Have you ever lost a friend because of your past relationships? What about losing a partner because of friends?
  10. Do you lend your friends money? How much?
  11. Do you think your friends would be there for you if you needed them?
  12. Are you in any online messaging groups? Do you spend a few hours a day messaging these groups?
  13. Have you ever felt a rift in communication between you and your friends?

Politics Questions To Ask Before Marriage

  1. Are you a political person? Do you see yourself on the left or right wing of politics? Are you liberal or conserative? Should we ever even talk about politics?
  2. Were politics a subject for family talk?
  3. Are you in a political party? Do you expect me to join?
  4. What are your thoughts on elections? Do you vote, or choose to pay them no attention?
  5. Do you involve yourself in activities such as marches or protests?
  6. If we turned out to have completely different political opinions, do you think we’d still love each other, or even get along?
  7. What are your thoughts on racism, sexism and other controversial topics? Do you think these constructs even exist or not?
  8. Do you actively monitor the decisions and laws put in place by the government? Would you take action against something you opposed?
  9. Have political ideologies been the factor of a break up for you?
  10. Have you ever accused someone of being a communist, nazi, or a fascist? Were you ever accused?
  11. Have you been part of a political rally?
  12. Should people with greater incomes support or aid those that are more disfavored?
  13. Do you think you’re paying too much tax? Should tax be mandatory?
  14. Should military service be mandatory? Have you served?
  15. Do you have relatives or friends in the military?
  16. Would you want your children to have to serve in the military?
  17. Should opposing parties or forces be convinced to step down through violent or non-violent methods?
  18. Do you avoid certain media outlets for political reasons?
  19. Can you spot fake news?
  20. Do you tend to take to heart a certain opinion on a subject, or look for multiple sources and debates?
  21. Is private education a good thing, or should quality public education be available nationwide, even if it means more tax?
  22. Should public healthcare be nationally available at the highest level of standards, or are private hospitals the way to go?

Pets Questions To Ask Before Marriage

  1. What are your views on having a pet?
  2. What would you pick between a cat, a dog, or an entirely different animal as a pet?
  3. If you had a pet, would living with you imply that I also had to like and care for the pet?
  4. If I had a pet, would you be willing to care for it even though you didn’t like it?
  5. Have you ever hit an animal? If so, what was the reason?
  6. Did you have to put down a pet? How did it make you feel?
  7. Is a pet just a domesticated animal, or a family member?

Social Involvement Questions To Ask Before Marriage

  1. Do you try and block time for involvement in your local community?
  2. What’s your relationship with your neighbors? Do you have a spare key to their apartment, or don’t you even know their names?
  3. Should there be a big fence between your house and your neighbor’s, or no fence at all?
  4. Have you ever had to take a neighbor to court, or have you had any other serious grievances?
  5. Do you collaborate with your local community on projects for homeless people or other disfavoured groups?
  6. Do you make an effort to keep your apartment block tidied up?
  7. Is there a feeling of mutual trust between yourself and your local community?
  8. Have you ever donated to a charity? What kind?
  9. Would you volunteer for a cause you believe in?
  10. Have you ever spent too much money charitably? As in not having enough left to buy food etc?

Law Related Questions To Ask Before Marriage

  1. Overall, would you say you’re law-abiding?
  2. Are laws even important, or should it be left up to the individual?
  3. Have you ever been charged for a crime?
  4. Have you spent any time at all in jail or prison?
  5. Were you ever robbed or otherwise the victim of a violent crime?
  6. Has your home ever been broken into? Did you move afterwards or do you still live there?
  7. Do you ever try to get away with paying less than you should in tax?
  8. Have you ever been involved with someone (romantically or otherwise) that had been charged for criminal offenses, or that engaged in criminal activities while you were together?

Religion Related Questions To Ask Before Marriage

  1. Do you think you’re a religious person, a spiritual one, an agnostic, or an atheist?
  2. Do you regularly go to a place of worship?
  3. Did your parents use to force you to go to religious ceremonies?
  4. After you became an adult, did you change your religion?
  5. Is there something after we die, or just darkness?
  6. Should we share the same beliefs?
  7. Do you have to respect certain restrictions because of your relationship (dietary, sexual etc)?
  8. Do you pray or engage in certain spiritual activities regularly?
  9. If we had children, would you want them to be a part of your belief?
  10. Has religion or spirituality caused you to break up in the past?

Culture & Traditions Questions To Ask Before Marriage

tea ceremony tradition
  1. Were you raised in a family with traditional values?
  2. Do you make it a priority to popularize or speak about your ethnicity’s/background’s culture and traditions?
  3. Are you into pop culture?
  4. Is music a big part of your life, or do you rarely listen to it? What’s your favorite genre?
  5. Would you prefer you were born in a different culture?
  6. Do you believe there should be equity between men and women, or that some jobs and roles are better filled by one of the sexes?
  7. What’s your opinion of racism? Should we acknowledge and celebrate the differences between races, or are there no differences at all?
  8. Is dancing a big part of who you are? Do you express emotions and celebrate this way?
  9. What’s more important: the needs of the many, or the needs of the few?
  10. Would you sacrifice some of your own happiness & financial security in order to help somebody else?
  11. Are you willing to respect another person’s culture and traditions even if you don’t agree with them?
  12. Do you expect others to adjust to your own culture?
  13. Are women simply better at household chores like changing a baby’s diaper? Should only men know how to handle a hammer?
  14. Is it better if a woman always acts in ways approved by her husband?
  15. Should people sit in a certain order and spots at family tables?
  16. In your family, can anyone do any job as long as they’re good at it?
  17. Should someone be ridiculed if they attempt to do a job considered to not be suited to their gender, but fails?
  18. How did you parents use to describe the difference between ethnicities?
  19. Do you carry any prejudiced beliefs which you nonetheless want to hang on to?
  20. Could you become friends with a member of a group which you have a dislike for?
  21. Is it a problem if you have to work with members of multiple ethnicities, cultures, and beliefs?
  22. Are you aware of your own biases, or do you sometimes surprise yourself with your decisions and actions?
  23. What would be your reaction if your child dated someone of another nationality, ethnicity, or political views?
  24. Have you had to break up with previous partners because of different views on race, ethnicity, culture or other associated concepts?
  25. How do you handle mourning? Does your family hold funerals, talk in great detail of the departed, or is silence golden?

Leisure & Entertainment Questions To Ask Before Marriage

  1. How does an ideal day look like for you?
  2. What’s one passion that makes you, you?
  3. Is it imperative that we both like the same things? Is it ok if we have pastimes that don’t include one another?
  4. On average, how much would you say you spend on leisure activities monthly?
  5. Would you stop hobbies like drinking or going to strip clubs if they made me weary?
  6. Do you enjoy having the spotlight, and being the entertainment?
  7. What’s more fun: spending a night out with friends, going around the city, or hanging out alone at your home with pizza and video games?
  8. When watching a movie, do you prefer talking over it and discussing what’s happening, or staying silent throughout?
  9. Have significantly different hobbies caused you to break up in the past?
  10. Do you enjoy travelling?
  11. How much are you willing to spend for a vacation which you find enjoyable?
  12. During the holidays, do you visit your family, stay with friends, or enjoy time to yourself?

Food Related Questions To Ask Before Marriage

  1. Do you have a fine appreciation for food, or is it more like “fuel” for you to get through the day?
  2. Do you make time to eat at a table, or are you always in a rush?
  3. Are you a good cook? If not, do you expect me to cook, or are we looking at daily takeout?
  4. How much money are you willing to spend on takeout?
  5. What are your favorite restaurants in our area?
  6. Would we pay all takeaway orders from a shared account, or each one pays what he eats?
  7. Is it a necessity that we eat together, or can we eat separately?
  8. If you’re on a diet, should I only eat what you’re eating too?
  9. Is food a reward to you? Do you expect a fancy dinner for an achievement, or spend remaining funds on grander cuisine?
  10. Have you ever put on too much weight because of eating irregularly?
  11. Did you ever try to control what a previous partner ate, so that they wouldn’t put on weight?
  12. Have you ever got into fights with previous partners because a meal was too expensive?

And Finally…

  1. If you could ask me a single question for the rest of your life, what would that question be? What would you want to know about me, above anything else?

There you go! 300 questions to ask before marriage, so that you know your partner just as well as you know yourself. In fact, here are150 more questions to ask about your relationship. We’re convinced they’ll start some great conversations with your partner.

However, as great as these questions are, they’re a “once and done” kind of deal. A majority of answers aren’t going to change, and it’s important to keep deep conversations an ongoing thing during your relationship. 

To that extent, why not have a look at our fun and replayable card game for couples, Better Topics? We’ve built it especially for people which are looking to constantly grow their relationship. Each round, one person plays a question card, and the other one answers to the best of their ability.