Deep Conversation Starters for Couples

deep conversation starters for couples

What’s the secret of happy couples? They seem to – nearly – always anticipate each other’s needs, they show gratitude and tolerance for behaviors that the rest of us find puzzling, and they strike just the right balance between shared interests and expression of individuality.

Master These 5 Deep Conversation Starters for Couples

1. What is something I did or said recently that you would prefer I do or say differently?

The “honeymoon phase” of a relationship is a time of awe and discovery, when partners are usually on their best behaviour. The rush of a new love can make us more aware of our interactions and the way in which we communicate with each other.

As times goes by, though, and we settle into the relationship, we loosen up and tend to spend less time thinking about how we communicate. Although it is natural for relationships to evolve towards a place where partners feel comfortable with each other, neglecting the subtleties of our interactions with our significant other can be problematic.

Very often, even if we communicate from a place of love, our messages may get “lost in translation”. It is the responsibility of both partners to make a conscious effort to calibrate their positions up to a point of shared satisfaction. Making a habit of tackling some deep conversation starters for couples every now and then can help improve your relationship significantly.

Asking our partner to share their point of view and guide us through the complexities of communication can help them feel heard and understood. By asking this question, we are telling them “I may not always come across as sensitive enough to your emotional needs, but I am eager to learn and adjust my behaviour as we grow to know each other”.

By developing emotional mindfulness, we can more easily identify and control our own emotions. This, in turn, helps us be more aware and in charge of the way in which we express our feelings when communicating with others.

Partners can benefit from working together to find constructive ways of getting their point across, thus improving the quality of their interactions.

2. Do you feel we had enough intimacy last week?

True intimacy in relationships is not as easy to achieve as one may think. Loving intimacy involves trust, support, connectedness, as well as the ability to be vulnerable and depend on your partner without fearing for your independence.

Most breakups happen not so much because people fall out of love with each other. Rather, they happen when one person has grown frustrated after their partner repeatedly failed to meet their emotional needs. 

Responsiveness is one of the pillars of solid intimate relationships. To illustrate this, let’s consider how our love language shapes our perspective on relationships and influences the expectations we have from our significant others. 

Our lovers, as we may find out after some time, rarely share our primary love language. For example, someone whose primary love language is physical touch may require more physical intimacy to feel loved and appreciated. If their partner is used to expressing love using other languages, their message may fail to get across.

3. When would you have liked me to give you a bit more space last week?

We all know that moment in the beginning of a relationship when nothing would make us happier than spending all our time with our new partner. The feeling of not getting enough of each other is so pervasive that we believe it will last forever.

But can there be too much of a good thing? Well… actually, yes. Relationship burnout is a real thing. Quite paradoxically, investing too much in a relationship at the expense of other important aspects of your life (e.g. friends, family, self care, hobbies etc) can be detrimental to the couple. 

Not only does occasional time apart give us the opportunity to miss and be missed by our significant other, but it leads to increased satisfaction with the time spent together. It reinforces the idea that, while having decided to share our lives, we are fundamentally separate individuals with our own passions and interests. 

Especially in long-term relationships, our lives may become so entangled with that of our partner, that we forget where one ends and the other begins. We forget that the reason we fell in love may have been their incredible ability to balance out our shyness at parties; or the passion with which they spoke about their hobbies during our dates at the end of the day. 

4. What is something nice we could do for a good cause next week?

Getting involved in a charitable event or supporting a good cause together can significantly improve a couple’s connection. Experiencing the joy of giving together can be a very uplifting experience and bring you closer to each other.

Whether you’re volunteering for a local NGO, visiting an orphanage, or donating to a charity, you’re strengthening your couple, becoming almost an institution. Also, by contributing to a good cause, you’re sharing in the rewarding feeling that you – together – have made the world a slightly better place.

5. What is one habit you would like to be held accountable for next week?

Have you ever considered starting a good habit, perhaps exercising regularly, or stop stacking the dishes in the sink, or acting more assertive? New habits take time to form, as well as practice and patience to reap results.

It isn’t always easy to dive right into a new routine. If you ever experienced procrastination or lack of motivation or, in general, difficulties taking up good habits, you may have considered working with an accountability coach.

We’ll let you in on a secret. Your best accountability coach may be someone you already know, perhaps someone with whom you share the bills, a home, or even kids. You guessed right! As someone who knows us closely, with whom we can easily share our fears and concerns, our lovers can be not just our lovers, but also accountability partners.

Having our best interests at heart, our partners will put in the extra effort to help us become the most evolved version of ourselves. As a final piece of advice, we recommend that you use this prompt whenever your partner suggests they may benefit from taking up a new habit.

Do you want to experience a deeper relationship with your partner? Our couples card game provides you with the right tools to improve your communication and ignite your passion. Explore deep conversation starters for couples, fun challenges, and insightful questions to help you get to know your significant other. The Kickstarter campaign to make it a reality is ongoing right now!