The five languages for couples were introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman, in his 1995 book, The 5 Love Languages. Even though it’s 25 years old as of now, the concepts which Dr. Chapman studied in his book can still be applied today. In fact, the resurgence of interest in the topic is proof enough, and we completely get it. People want their relationships to thrive and evolve, but sometimes it’s a bit complicated.
Whether you’re in a new relationship, have been in one for a while, or are married to your significant other, rough patches are unavoidable. The reasons for this can be many. For example, in one of our recent blog posts, we’ve tackled how to effectively communicate with your spouse, but it could go deeper than that. You might have completely different love languages.
But what exactly are “love languages” anyway? Let’s get right into it!
The Gist of It
Firstly, the terminology used shouldn’t be taken completely literally. We’re not talking about actual languages, so rest easy, you won’t have to start taking any courses. Instead, these “languages” describe how each one of us individually perceives love, and what makes us feel appreciated. At the same time, this is also how we think that showing appreciation should be done.
As you can imagine, since not all of us have the same personalities, we’re going to feel loved in different instances. Sharing what you find to be appropriate with your partner is of utmost importance in order to make sure that they understand what you find to be precious moments.
The five love languages for couples are as follows:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
This type of love language refers strictly to verbal compliments. They can be about your partner’s hair, their clothes, the food that they’ve made, or literally anything else. Of course, it can depend whether your partner cares more about how they look, or how they act, so complimenting them in a way you know it matters can go a long way.
At the same time, they can take longer than others to get over an insult, or if they’re demeaned in any way. Make sure to use some positive reinforcement in such scenarios.
Acts of Service
We’re certain that you’ve already heard it being said at least once that actions are above words. This is exactly the mantra of people with this type of love language. Doing the dishes, the laundry, picking up the kids from school, volunteering to go for grocery shopping etc, is what you’re looking at here.
Keep in mind though: these offers must be sincere; if you make it look like you’re doing it out of an obligation, or complain about it afterwards, it won’t be taken well.
This is as straightforward as it sounds. Depending on your view, this can sound materialistic, but it shouldn’t be thought of as that necessarily. People who enjoy receiving gifts are the ones who appreciate it when you actually make an effort and get them something they truly enjoy. More often than not, their favorite chocolate or a T-shirt branded with their favorite TV show is going to be preferred to a Lamborghini.
The “trick” here is to know what your partner is passionate about.
We all want to spend time with our significant other, but it’s even more important to individuals whose main love language is this. As a golden rule, remember to never check your smartphone, unless it’s an emergency or you’re expecting a very important call. Dedicating time to each other is the key here, and this doesn’t mean watching a movie or going out with a group.
Consider simple things: a walk in the park, having lunch together, or just chatting with each other! Yep, that’s still possible! In fact, our own card game for couples is going to be dedicated strictly to helping you talk more to your partner about the important things!
Don’t let your mind get too ahead of you here! People with this type of love language aren’t automatically into dramatic public displays of affection. In fact, simple acts like hugging, getting a cheek kiss, or just a touch on the hand can be more than enough.
Some things you should avoid is not holding hands while out and about the city for example, as it can make them feel disconnected from you.
And these are the five love languages for couples! Did you find yourself in any of them? How about your spouse? If so, make sure to take them into consideration in the future. We hope we’ve been of help!